Internet dating is now the second most common way of starting a relationship after meeting through friends, research shows.

Digital dating is vital in a society where the methods of forming relationships are grossly inefficient, claim psychologists from the University of Rochester in the U.S.

Online dating has been described as ‘efficient’ enabling people to find a date online. However experts say don’t trust the ‘match-up’ quizzes, they say that online partner-hunting can be highly successful, providing would-be daters take a realistic approach, reported the Daily Telegraph.

‘Online dating is definitely a new and much-needed twist on relationships,’ said Harry Reis, one of the report’s five authors and a professor in psychology.

‘The internet holds great promise for helping adults form healthy and supportive romantic partnerships, and those relationships are one of the best predictors of emotional and physical health.’

But Professor Reis warned that that match-making websites’ claims they can find you the perfect mate using ’scientific’ quizzes are as yet unproven.

He also said that the habit of assessing hundreds of potential dates can make people increasingly judgemental and picky.

The study, commissioned by the Association for Psychological Science, said the social stigma that initially surrounded internet dating was fast disappearing.

Around 25million unique users logged on to dating sites last April alone, according to one estimate.

So you went on your first date and you may be thinking a number of different things! I want to see that person again, I hope I never see that person again, I might give it another try. Hopefully the first date went very well and you’re excited about meeting again, but before that you’ll want to make contact sooner rather than later.

So should you phone immediately after the date? No, well maybe. It depends on your situation, hear are some ground rules:

1. After the first date you don’t want to look desperate or overly keen so keep it cool, send your date a text message to see if they got back safely, but remember to keep things short and sweet at this stage.

2. Phone them, but as mentioned above not immediately, but definitely within 48 hours otherwise you may come across like you’re playing games to see who makes the next move. Be confident in yourself, pluck up the courage and make that call! On the call thank them for the first date and see if they’d like to go on another date, but again don’t seem overly keen to pin them down there and then but leave the option there.

3. As BT state “it’s good to talk” but please don’t go on for hours, although that may seem like a good sign, you can also come across as needy & possessive remember you have your own life and need to get on with it. So at least on the first few calls keep the conversation short but sweet. The dates are where you talk for hours

4. This may sound simple and obvious but ensure that you know what you are going to say and talk about before you pick up the phone and start calling. You don’t want to stutter on the call and have a conversation filled with “emmm”, even if you don’t say it, it will come across in how you speak.

5. Not had a reply to a voicemail or text? Don’t bombard them with messages! Being clingy is not an attractive trait neither is showing your insecurities. If you’ve left them a message get on with your life and wait for them patiently to get in touch, if you haven’t heard back after a week maybe try calling once more, if you don’t get a reply then take the hint. At this stage you need to remain calm, relaxed & casual.

6. Don’t make the mistake of becoming a text-a-holic, it’s very easy to get in to the habbit of texting eachother but beware an honest text message can be easily mis-read and derail your relationship. Try to have conversations not meaningless text chit chat.

Ultimately following a first date or even first couple of dates keep your feet on teh ground, don’t get carried away, if there’s a spark it will ignite but don’t try to force it by being clingy or pestering. Likewise if you are being pestered by someone you dated, don’t just ignore there messages, be open and honest and if you don’t want to take things forward let them know.

The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words” refers to the idea that your photo may be more influential than your essay / personal profile, and as a moderator on SingleBritAsian.com I have to agree!

To answer the question should you display a profile photo, the immediate response is YES! If you want people to click on your profile and to make contact then don’t make the mistake of creating a profile without a photo. Ask you self “would I contact someone on a singles site without seeing a photo first?”, often people say that “it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, as true as it is it’s often what’s on the outside that first gets their attention!

What should a profile photo look like?

Its quite amusing to see how people portray themselves, some send very serious looking passport shots (scary), whilst others send a group photo (which one are you?), however the one that will get you the least number of clicks on your profile is the distance shot where you can just about make out a silhouette of a person.

With that in mind, what does your Profile Photo say?

1. First Impression
Yes it’s your first impression! Simple, it’s your opportunity to say to the other singles “this is who I am” hope you like

2. Personality
Yes, I’m a strong believer that a photo can say alot about your personality, I’m fun, I’m easy going, I’m a Professional, I’m a model, I’m very intense, I’m sporty, I like to eat maybe you do too

Opposites attract as well as those who are very similar, so on your photo be true to who you are!

Which photo do I choose?

This should be obvious, but perhaps not (we’ve seen some scary risque photos), so here are some tips:

1. Select a recent photo
2. Select a photo that is flattering and natural, it doesn’t have to be a studio shot!
3. Ensure you are the only one in the photo
4. Make sure your face is clear
5. Be yourself, don’t portray yourself as another personality

Good luck and say paneeeeer

Don’t you hate it when you suddenly realise that it’s almost Valentines day and you have NOTHING planned with your loved one? And unluckily the onus of doing something special and thoughtful generally falls on to the men – well at least from my experience! Taking note of the fact that we’ve ‘just’ come out of a recession and that Valentine’s day can be a rather expensive affair, here are some our Top 5 Valentines tips & ideas that will surely spice up your love life without the loss of your entire wallet!

1. Dinner for 2

OK, you could book a restaurant but generally as it’s Valentine’s prices are slightly inflated, some would say a “rip-off”. And if you haven’t booked a restaurant by now, forget it most places are fully booked up! So what to do?

You could slave away in the kitchen, but why? Check out some of the Tesco’s finest meal deals for 2 that include starters, mains and dessert AND wine for £9. Have a look at Tecso’s website.

2. Gifts are easy, write them a letter

Just spend some time (not money) to write your partner a letter, a love letter! Some things are easier written than said, tell them how much you love them and why but try to not to be cliché don’t repeat what a thousand others have said already, don’t plagerise by repeating what Ne-Yo or Jazzy B have said in their lyrics. For the final touch dab a lil fragrance on the letter and post it – second class if you’re taking this saving money lark to the full extent!

3. Mixtape say you love them with songs

I remember ‘back in the day’ those in love used to sit there for hours compiling mixtapes on cassette these days it’s a case of downloading a few MP3’s and burning them on to CD. Make sure the songs convey your message so choose wisely and make sure you download legally! If you’re really creative then design the cover and maybe a special insert.

4. Go for a walk hand in hand

I don’t mean down the high street (unless you’re planning on shopping for gifts for eachother), I mean a romantic walk in a scenic outdoor setting and maybe have a picnic, just remember to pack the galab jamons. I know it’s rather cold in February but wrap up warm and snuggle up! Have a look for nature reserves or parks in your local area.

5. Say it with flowers

There’s no getting away from it, Valentines will always be associated with Roses, or flowers at the least! The don’t have to be expensive though – click on the image at the top to see some special offers from Flowers Direct.

]]> http://www.singlebritasian.com/indian-dating-blog/2010/02/valentines-day-top-5-tips-ideas/feed/ 0 http://www.singlebritasian.com/indian-dating-blog/2010/01/setting-a-good-first-impression/ http://www.singlebritasian.com/indian-dating-blog/2010/01/setting-a-good-first-impression/#comments Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:30:03 +0000 Baz http://www.singlebritasian.com/indian-dating-blog/?p=102

First dates are important, it’s when you have a great opportunity to set either an excellent first impression (in person) or when you can ensure that the date ends abruptly! When I was growing up in the 80’s I remember seeing Mithun Chakraborty strutting his stuff in Disco Dancer as Jimmy, back then I thought wow I want to be just like him as he was so cool! I also recall seeing Sridevi strutting her stuff on quite a few occasions and I’d think “Grrrr”, however times move on, fashion moves on so think carefully about how you’re going to make the best first impression! You have to consider the way you dress, the way you portray who you are.

Dress smartly and you’ll “feel like a million bucks”! It sounds cliché but it’s true dress smartly and your whole demeanor changes, if you’re wearing a designer suit you might notice your posture improves, your back’s straight and you ooze with confidence, dress like Bhangraman from Goodness Gracious Me and you might find your self in a slightly squatted position doing the light bulb dance which is likely to deter most ladies. Unfortunately in this day and age you are what you wear and it’s how people make their first impressions of you.

From experience, ladies tend to have a better grip on fashion, all they need is a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and they have it going on! But seriously women tend to get it right more often.

So guys, how do you dress to impress?

Suit up, in your collection you should have a black or navy good-quality suit, a casual jacket, a collection of plain colored cotton shirts, some smart jeans as well as a good pair of leather shoes, in black or brown and they should be in good condition!

Footwear, as mentioned above it’s very important! A woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes, you may not realise it but you’re being assessed through all of the minor discrepancies, missing buttons, creased clothes the list goes on. But footwear is the biggest giveaway because we men tend to think of them as necessities that should be comfortable above all else, but style is vital! If you don’t know what’s stylish simply check out some stores, what’s being displayed? Once you have your footwear selected, make sure it matches the rest of your outfit. Demonstrate that it has taken you longer than 2 minutes to get ready!

What time is it? It’s important to wear a good quality watch that is masculine. Typically this is the only piece of jewelry a man often wears, and it says alot about you. Research has shown that most women have a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but ensure that the watch fits in with your outfit in terms of style, it’s no good wearing a smart semi casual outfit with a watch that looks so big and overly masculine that you look like you’re about to go on a mission to save the planet!

Wallet, avoid a Billabong skater type nylon wallet that opens with the loud sound of velcro tearing apart – you need a smart looking leather wallet, finally ensure it’s not stuffed with old receipts.

The smell of love, needless to say think about how you smell alot of research points out the importance it plays in landing the one! Try to avoid overly commercial & common fragrances, go for something that stands out so that your date associates that gorgeous aroma with you. Don’t be afraid to round up a few of the counter girls at the fragrance stand and get their opinions; they should know what smells good.

So the message? Fix up look sharp, dress smart but casual it’s not that hard to set a great first impression.

Related Article:

- First Date Do’s and Don’ts

OK so we’re in the UK, many of us born and raised here we’re British Asian – so the question is did the caste system stay in the motherlands? The perceptions and experiences are mixed!

Kapil Dudakia from The Hindu Forum of Britain stated in March 2009 from his experience that the vast majority of people, regardless of their historical caste, tended not to follow their ancestors’ occupations. He also said as far as the United Kingdom was concerned, caste was well and truly non-existent, unless you happened to be a member of the Royal Family!

However many would disagree, including British Asian rapper Shiv Gharu, he said ”Everybody thinks caste discrimination only happens in India but it’s happening on our streets. In fact, it’s flourishing”.

“When I was a child, I was taunted and abused and called slave boy and untouchable”.

When it came to dating “I was involved with a woman who was from a higher caste and her father would not even let me in their house. I was not accepted and when people from the higher castes found out about my relationship, I was beaten up, all because I’m from a low caste” he said.

Whilst the topic of caste is far ranging I specifically want to know how it impacts British Asians in their dating life and when it comes to marriage!

- So do you think of caste when you’re looking to meet the one?

- Have your parents set expectations on caste?

I still remember seeing Shilpa Shetty in Big Brother walking around with facial bleach (attractive) however it was soon after she was crowned the winner of  the show that Shetty and Kundra met in London. I wonder if he watched the show, hummm.

At the wedding however she was looking hot in a red sari, diamonds and emeralds as she got married with British Asian businessman Raj Kundra in Khandala,  near Mumbai. They walked around a holy fire in a traditional Hindu ritual that signifies the bond of marriage.

Friends, family and showbusiness colleagues attended the service and celebrations lasted the whole night, her father who discovered he was ill with malaria just two days before the ceremony still managed to make the celebrations.

Raj looked equally as good wearing a traditional maroon sherwani with golden embroidery and a turban with his face veiled by a sehra (string of pearls).

In the words of Michael Jackson (God rest his soul) “This is it!” Shetty wrote on her blog a few hours before the ceremony took place, she also described how her life had ‘been turned upside down, inside out in the past week as the marriage is nearing.’

Lets hope that Shilpa doesn’t wake up one day only to find that Raj has turned into an apple; if you don’t get it watch “Darna Mana Hai”, in fact don’t watch it just read the plot on Wikipedia!

Arranged Marriage
Thankfully not as arranged as it once was from my experiences (I remember watching East is East thinking, wow back in the day!). However lets have a reality check, how many people can your parents, uncles and aunts (who should on ocassion mind their own business) introduce you to?

Night out
OK so you’re on a night out, possibly at Chi Bar in Birmingham or Bar Bollywood in London and you see someone who catches your eye and you think “hai that’s the one” one thing leads to another (get your minds out of the gutter) and you decide to link up the next day. You meet and well, he’s not as cute as he looked last night when you’d had a a few mojitos and he’s probably thinking she must have been caked in makeup! Most importantly without the banging tunes making up for the silences you soon realise that “hai that’s the one” was perhaps a slight over-reaction as you have nothing really to talk about.

Facebook, Myspace, Bebo
Sure you’ve got lots of friends and you meet new people but Social Networking sites don’t have dating in mind and neither do all of the people on there. On a dedicated dating site you know that people have joined and logged on for one purpose, to find someone!

Dating Sites
There are a number of dating sites available for asians looking to find other asians however a large number of them are global sites meaning that users are scattered around the world and you may find that there aren’t many users from the UK!

There are also asian sites open to the UK only which is great! But how much does it cost to register and access all of the features? Read the small print as I’m sure when you come across someone you’d like to contact but can’t without paying it can be frustrating!

Place of Worship
Never say never, but how many people will you meet and how much time / privacy is there to have a chat to find out about eachother?

Work
Humm lets not go there.

Single British Asian . Com
As you’ve probably gathered options to meet other British Asians, Hindus, Muslims and Sikhs for dating are quite limited which is why www.singlebritasian.com was set up to help you to find someone on the same wavelength and based in the UK! And importantly, the site is COMPLETELY FREE to use!

So join now and start meeting other British Asians for Hindu, Muslim and Sikh dating!

The first date can often be the most difficult part, as most people tend to get nervous which makes people prone to making embarrassing mistakes.  Here are some pointers to help that first date run smoothly.

Do’s

1. Make sure you are on time, don’t use Indian timing!  The person you are meeting may not wait for you to turn up, so if you are going to be late let them know.

2. Be interesting.  The worst things you can do is turn up to a date and sit there all night not saying much or not talk at all.  Don’t make yourself easy to forget.

3. Try to laugh at their jokes, but not like a Bollywood villian.  Even if you have heard it before or even if it not funny.  Laughing along with your date will communicate that you are interested in them.

4. Take an interest in your date.  Listen to what they are saying and be interested in what they have to say and show you’re interested by asking question about their hobbies, with out coming across as being a Spanish inquisition. Make them feel comfortable, most people are on edge the 1st time they meet so try and make them feel at ease.

5. Be confident, don’t come across as Mr Bean – or Miss Bean (is there one?). BUT don’t confuse confidence with arrogance!

6. Be yourself.  Make sure you are yourself as you won’t fool anyone by pretending to be someone else.  Especially if you are planning to see them again as the real you will eventually come out.

7. Keep the conversation alive.  Make sure you don’t get that dreaded silence, during which you are both try desperately to come up with something to say, giving the impression that you are boring. Chat about anything (almost) talk about your most liked TV shows, films and music!

8. Stay safe.  Take your mobile with you, plan to drive yourself (gently decline the offer of being picked up) and let a friend know where you are going, who you are with and when you will be back.

Don’ts

1. Don’t be late (like all of my releatives who think arriving an hour or so late to dinner is acceptable, it’s not!).  First impressions count, and if you are late this will make your date think you’re lazy and did not plan ahead.  If you are going to be late make sure you let them know and give them a reason, they deserve an explanation.

2. Don’t talk about yourself all night.  There is nothing worse than a person that loves to talk about themselves all the time.

3. Don’t talk about past relationships.  Maybe that’s how you lost the last one.  Nobody wants to hear you drone on about your ex and what they did or did not do.

4. Don’t eat with your mouth open. My dad does it and it’s not attractive.

5. Don’t bombard your date with extremely personal questions.  Like you, they probably don’t want to reveal too much about themselves just yet.

6. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.  So he likes eating out, but you like staying at home eating roti.  Pretending otherwise will only make the other person feel deceived and turned off when they discover the truth.

7. Don’t forget to thank the other person for the date.  This is not only good manners but also gives you a chance to end it, if you’re not interested or to ask them out on another date, if you are:

8. Don’t propose marriage or kids, unless you never want to see that person again.

9. Don’t push it physically after your partner has said no.

10. Don’t get drunk.  As much as copious amounts of alcohol to calm your nerves sounds like a good idea.  Not only may you miss most of the date as you may end up spending most of the evening in the bathroom but this will also show them that you have no self control.

On a serious note, getting intoxicated on a date with a person you don’t know that well isn’t safe – lowering your inhibitions is likely to put you at risk of unwanted advances.

However to stay safe with online & real dating there are some simple rules to observe:

Safety tips for online dating:

Take your time:
Read as many profiles as you can, take your time before deciding to make contact or send a wink!

Gut instinct – trust it:
Don’t carry on communicating unless it feels right.

Do not take people at face value:
We’ve all told the odd lie on a CV, it’s the same with all dating sites.

Ask questions:
-Look for inconsistencies, but try not to make it sound like the Spanish inquisition.

Being Rude:
If someone becomes intrusive, rude or abusive stop contact and report them to the site management immediately.

Contact details:
Do not give out your full contact details until you feel comfortable in doing so, just a phone number to start off with.

Before meeting:
Once you decide that it could be the one, arrange to talk on the phone or through online VoIP chat on the dating site before arranging to meet for the first time.

Safety tips for real dating:

• Do not meet in a back alley! Fairly obvious (hopefully) meet in a well lit public place
• Do let a close friend know where you are going and who you are meeting, give them contact details too.
• Do take your phone and keep it switched on.
• Do text or call the friend during and after the date to let them know you are OK.
• Do not accept a ride home on the first date or tell them where you live.
• On the first date ensure you have an exit strategy, set a time limit for when you need to go by.
• Never feel pressured in to meeting someone again, if you feel it is not right let them know.

Happy dating and stay safe!